London (Reuters): A British Airways official described as “ludicrous” the suggestion that the demise of Boris Baldnikov was due to the ingestion of a Polonium-210 laced BA “happy meal” served onboard the 20 October Madrid flight from Heathrow. “BA takes great care in minimising the expense of our onboard meal offerings, and so to suggest we would use an expensive ingredient like this is plainly silly.”
Leaving Downing Street after meeting the Prime Minister, Russia’s Ambassador emphatically denied his country had any involvement in the affair. “Boris should have flown a Russian airline, where he would have been served boiled potato and cabbage. He was soft, he had become besotted with the West, and unable to drink more than a bottle of vodka over a meal. Why, my sister farms large and oddly shaped turnips near Chernobyl, and she’s still alive! What can you expect from a Softnik? He had no guts.”
Elsewhere, the affair continues to generate huge interest from a public who yearn for a spy with a long dong, and hanker after the likes of George Smiley, with his nondescript face and a pipe full of smouldering Irish Shag.
What have BA done with my bag? That is the question. Half the people on my flight from London yesterday did not receive their bag. The last thing one wants to do at the end of a long journey is queue for ages to fill out a missing bag form. I was handed a little bag of toiletries. This contained several bottles of foul smelling shampoos and body lotion bottles, a toothbrush for a person with a very small mouth, and a T-shirt for a person with a very small body. What I could really have used was a pair of socks for a normal sized chap. My current socks are “interesting”. When I took them off last night, they walked away by themselves, and sulked in a corner. You can imagine how truculent they are now, being subjected to the innards of my shoes for a further day. I may have to quarantine them securely tonight, to avoid being charged with the greatest mass poisoning since the Borgias.
Irritation #1: British Airways so-called “Executive Club”. So now they not only don’t give you any “Tier” points when you travel on an economy ticket, they now only award you 1/4 of the miles flown! They are basically saying “Fuck Off” to people like me who, despite travelling often, are obliged by their companies, or their pockets, to buy the cheapest available tickets. One result: neither I nor J&G will be flying with them again betwen LAX and GVA: they have lost my business.
Irritation #2: Having submitted my Acoustic Triangulators article for publication, the Editor replies voicing reservations about the rigidity of the 1/4″ plywood panels, and encouraging me to do some resonance tests. The irritating part is that I have the same reservations myself, and I suppose I will have to try to make some measurements. But he liked my design, and in fact likened it to one by Peter Baxandall (of Eq fame) and had discussed with Henry Kloss (of Cambridge Sound Works) some years ago. Perhaps the thing to do is to replace the front panels with solid cherry, and upgrade the elliptical drivers?
Edit: this new LJ Update function is buggy … it misses the month off, and has the icon pictures all screwed up. Does no one test these things before releasing them? Grumble grumble.
