“Initial Mood after Creating Live Journal -
Elated, perhaps even ecstatic. I’m feeling very pleased with myself because I’ve entered a whole load of interests, ranging from the mundane to the truly bizarre. Some of these are even genuine.
I will reflect for a while, then add some more.”
On July 3rd. 2003 I created my LJ account and made my first entry, shown above, describing my mood. In my naïveté I imagined that the purpose of the LJ was to document moods. ::hollow laughter:: How wrong I was! It turned out that my LJ would be an insatiable trash can for tittle tattle, nonsense, ribald banter and general foolishness. Not only that, but it became a clickable repository of amazing and frequently hilarious revelations about people I’d never met, but who nevertheless occasionally posted pictures of their private parts, or at least who I wished would post pictures of their private parts.
And so now, in the springtime of my LJ affair, I reflect back on that rollercoaster ride of emotional fecundity (note gratuitous and inappropriate use of “fecundity”, because I like to include it wherever I can) that the last year proferred and which I greedily feasted upon, and I say to myself:
“COR BLIMEY!”.
Which brings me to the topic of this evening’s post which is about those upside down food processor zizzy things that they’re advertising on TV at the moment. You get three or four upside down thingummy cups, three or four thingummy lids, and a thingummy motorised zizzer and a book of recipes, all for $99.99 (or three “easy” payments of $33.33 … do the math).
The upside down thingummy does EVERYTHING. After you’ve bought one of these things you might as well trash everything in your kitchen cupboards: your juicer is obsolete, your whisker is obsolete, your food processor is obsolete, your cocktail shaker, your egg beater, your forks, your knives, your spoons. Even that weird little twisty thing that’s rusting in the back of the teatowel drawer and you’re keeping because it looks like an important part of something is obsolete. This is true, since the upside down food processor zizzy thing can:
- Turn a few tomatoes and a lettuce leaf into a fine Lobster Thermidor
- Whisk water and an ice cube into a Saffron Flavoured Peach Sorbet
- Remove that irritating (not to mention embarassing) stain on the front of your blue twill trousers
- Turn lead into gold (and gold into lead, when you get sick of gold)
- Stop people who live in Seattle moaning about the weather
(OK, so the last one is a joke.)
So, what is the catch, I hear you groan? The catch is that the upside down food processor zizzy thing is just that: an UPSIDE DOWN FOOD PROCESSOR!
Don’t waste your $99.99 … just make sure that whenever your use your existing food processor you stand on your head.
Thus endeth the lesson.
