Nonsense Variation 1, to be sung with great feeling, and a hint of profound boredom:
I sang a song in a deep voice,
That sounded sexy to me.
But you just put in your earplugs,
They were orange and covered in wax.
I smelled an over-cooked onion,
You had been cooking for tea.
It inflamed my nostrils completely,
And not like a pleasant curry.
So I took a spoon and a little carrot,
That had grown unusually.
And I chastised the scarf,
That your Mother knitted for me.
Then I came to being an old guy,
With craggy face and nice wrinkled eyes.
And I still made a few more albums,
Which are pretty darned good, considering.
The original:
I lit a thin green candle to make you jealous of me,
but the room just filled up with mosquitoes:
they heard that my body was free.
Then I took the dust of a long sleepless night,
and I put it in your little shoe.
Then I confess that I tortured the dress
that you wore for the world to look through.
I showed my heart to the doctor:
he said I’d just have to quit.
Then he wrote himself a prescription,
and your name was mentioned in it!
Then he locked himself in a library shelf
with the details of our honeymoon.
And I hear from the nurse that he’s gotten much worse,
and his practice is all in a ruin.
I heard of a saint who had loved you,
so I studied all night in his school.
He taught that the duty of lovers is to tarnish the golden rule.
And just when I was sure that his teachings were pure,
he drowned himself in the pool.
His body is gone, but back here on the lawn,
his spirit continues to drool.
An eskimo showed me a movie he’d recently taken of you.
The poor man could hardly stop shivering:
his lips and his fingers were blue.
I suppose that he froze when the wind took your clothes,
and I guess he just never got warm.
But you stand there so nice in your blizzard of ice.
O please let me come into the storm.
